Autism and Arrows

I had a bit of an epiphany tonight while pondering on ideas of some sort of visual aid for my social skills groups.  The kids were asleep, Pinterest was up on the IPAD, and the Merlot was flowing!  Working with kiddos on the Autism Spectrum has grown to be "one of my favorite things".  This has been a significant work in progress, I'm not going to church it up.  10 years ago I remember dreading my job as a direct residential staff after being bit not once, not twice, but 3 times by the same little boy in one shift.  I have learned a ton in the past decade about Aspergers and Autism, and gained an appreciation for the strengths within that pretty heavy diagnosis. 

The following goes off some generalizations, albeit positive ones:  These wonderful children tend to have some amazing sensory sensitivities, their minds process information best in visual/picture format, and abstract concepts are often a challenge.  Yes, I know there are some exceptions to this, but when I talk to people and give them pointers on how to get on the same level with a kiddo--these are the pointers I have found most helpful. 

As a counselor this has been a bit of a challenge for me as I want to improve emotional awareness--"How do you feel when things like that happen? What can you do to feel better when that happens?"  These are very difficult questions for kiddos on the spectrum as if they are not feeling it in the moment, they tend to have a very difficult time reflecting on it and tracking thoughts/feelings.  Sure, sometimes  the child has a complete meltdown of catastrophic proportions for an hour.  But then he comes in to see me, and is as good as gold.  Out of sight out of mind, hyperfocus on the here and now---a true talent if you ask me.

This is one of those truly magnificent qualities that I am so appreciative of witnessing with these kids.  See, for most of us if we have a bad day, a nasty interaction with someone, frustrations building---we tend to work on trying to LET IT GO.  This is never easy, and there are many days where I find myself stewing for hours over mundane things.  The instant I think about it ---my anger fuels up and I am in "ragin Cajun" mode.  The snide comment by another pre-school mom about my son wearing ninja turtle jammies in public has me replaying in my head all day about how "she should mind her business".  In those moments, I can see the beauty of having black and white, good or bad, all or nothing kind of thinking. 

Now back to my epiphany....I have always wanted to come up with a visual to help the kiddos I work with gain some insight into this wonderful ability to "bounce back" and not let a negative event impact their whole day.  Part of this concept is that I want the kids to gain an understanding of how to  learn from the event and handle frustration better in the future.  It is difficult to plan for the future if you can't recall what the past hurdles were.  THE FAILED EXAMPLES:  the minions from despicable me, a beach ball held under water, a bommerang---all got mixed reviews aka big-time confusion.  Instead, I love the symbolism of an arrow.  When I think of arrows I think of: direction, Cupid, swiftness, the hot elf from Lord of the Rings (Legolas) :), and purpose.   An arrow can only be released when it is pulled back----love this symbolism!! 

The arrow metaphor is not only simple and easy to visualize, it can also be easily acted out for kids.  At my next group the kids and I are going to talk about what can pull our arrows back (bullies, loud noises, poor sleep, losing our favorite item, etc.). Then we are going to talk about what we can do to release our arrows and feel strong again (belly breathing, fidget toys, warm tea, talking with someone, etc.)  This metaphor can be used at the family dinner table as well.  Reference your inner Merida (reference to the Disney movie Brave).  How do you control your anger arrows to hit a bullseye?  What makes arrows more dangerous?  Who is the best archer in the family and why? 

Link to the tattoo featured in this blog entry (it's not my tat ;)

Time to use your noodle--Easter Sensory game

Easter is a fantastic holiday, but it can certainly be overwhelming in many facets: the sugar highs, the running to and from egg hunts, church services, and family gatherings.  We try to keep it simple: I don't usually do candy in the baskets, but instead focus on props and "evidence" of an Easter bunny.  This year, it was dollar store bunny ears, ties, and bunny footprints. 

After a full day of visits with the family we needed a very calm sensory active.ity to help the kids wind down.  The swim noodles I had cut up for the "beading" in the Egg Olympics are great for sensory play.  NOTE; for kids under 2, just make sure they don't bite/swallow the material.  Otherwise, these things are great: quite, cheap, colorful, soft, and STACKABLE.  While I tried to find all 600 plastic eggs my kids threw about the house this morning, I dumped a bag of 3 cut up swim noodles in the middle of the room.  My 2 yr old and 1 yr old began gathering and stacking towers.  This is great for counting, learning size, colors, and sorting. 

The best part of the game was when they decided to build, then knock them down.  AGAIN AND AGAIN.  But, instead of legos and blocks, this was not loud, and no one got hurt.   When it was time to clean up it took them less than 2 minutes to put them in the toy bin.  This kept them all entertained for over an hour. 

Our little peanut turned ONE this weekend!!!

Another wonderful, busy, fun weekend.  We celebrated my baby girl's 1st birthday, enjoyed the Easter holiday, held another social skills group at my practice, and finished up sowing my seeds in the garden.  I love doing kids' birthday parties.  This time I actually had a choice among all things pink and frilly.  Well, I couldn't choose and sometimes the best stuff comes from a hodge podge--hence elephants and tutus.  I got most everything for the party either from the Dollar Store or the Goodwill.  The Tulips are fresh from the Tulip Festival going on right now in Mt.Vernon, WA---if you've never heard of it, you should check it out.  Eye candy for miles.

The cake was a work of art and the Little lady chowed down.  I don't know many cake artists that could whip out an "elephant wearing a tutu" with a little over 2 weeks notice.  Not only was it adorable, the vanilla bean cake was delish with cream cheese frosting.  Baking is a talent I do not possess and luckily for me I always find people that are the best of the best.  Pink Confections out of Marysville, WA did this little beauty for my special girl. 

I've mentioned before prior to my daughter, our large family is very skewed to the masculine side.  Thus, this whole notion of a very girly birthday took a toll on some of the guys who by the end of the night caved in.  They not only tried on the tutus, but actually willingly posed for pictures. 

 

First Annual Eggtastic Family Olympics

Tonight, in lieu of the upcoming Easter holiday I put together a Survivor-esque competition.  It was raining, my house is kinda small, but it was so fun.  We had team captains, team names ("Beat the Adults" vs. the "Thumpers").  I think you can figure out who was on each team.  Beat the Adults, my 17 year old nephew "Andre", his sweet girlfriend "buttercup", my 7 year old nephew "Wesley", and 4 year old "Enigo"---WHO KNOWS WHAT MOVIE THESE NAME REFERENCES ARE FROM?

Things are busy for all of us right now, and I dreaded thinking we would miss an egg hunt this Saturday--so I wanted to have out own.  Plus, the past 3 years our boys tend to clam up at egg hunts and it's a big hot mess to get us all their on time.  Soooo First up was the in-home egg hunt, where each color had a particular value.  62 eggs total, and I stuffed about 40 of them, then bought the rest pre-stuffed.  (do not feel guilty if you buy the pre stuffed ones).  The Thumpers won the egg hunt. 

Next was the Egg Relay:
I hid spoons in a different room, player one ran-retrieved the spoon, then the remainder contestants had to balance the spoon and go down the hall and back.  There was a lot of cheating on this one, but the "Beat the Adults" kinda pulled off a win.  Next was an Egg Toss:  using hard boiled eggs 2 players were picked from each team, and had to catch the egg in a towel.  After each successful pass, they took a step back.  The "softball kings" pulled out the win for the Thumpers.  Next was my favorite: the Bunny Scoop. 

the winners, with their "beads", a missing shirt, and a pouty face

My hubs thinking he's the next karate kid with my scarf

 

I put some marshmallows and cottonballs in a bowl, grabbed a scarf/blindfold and a big spoon.  Each player was blindfolded, spun 3 times, and then kneeled down and tried to scoop out as much as they could without looking.  Each player got 4 scoops.  The rules are: can't use your non-spoon hand, can't feel the spoon or the bowl with your hand.  Then we counted how much you spooned out.   "Beat the Adults" pulled out the win.  So we were tied 2-2, there was a lot of smack-talk, a "bunny meltdown" by my favorite 7 year old, and Littlefoot devoured about 600 marshmallows in 5 minutes.  The last event was one I recently used in a social skills group.  I had cut up some swim noodles and got a long piece of yarn.  This was "beading".  Each team had to string 5 noodle beads, the first to complete won the entire competition.  "Andre", although a young 17 is 6 foot six with a size 19 shoe!!!! He is our gentle giant.  Well, his size was an advantage and he flew through this event with the help of Buttercup and Wesley and Enigo cheering wildly.

Twas a super fun night, and I had most of the supplies just lying around the house, I just went and bought the essential candy/stickers for egg stuffers. We finished the night with some fantastic cupcakes my sis picked up at Cupcakes like it Sweet in Bellingham.  Yummalicious.

What are your favorite family games for all ages? 

Spring is in Full Bloom--Mama needs new gardening tools

Phew this weekend was busy, fun, and sunny!!!  The hubs is coaching my oldest in flag football, Littlefoot is the honorary mascot, and baby girl is (duh the cheerleader).  I have a lot of exciting things going on right now, at work I am starting up a Social skills group for kiddos on the Autism Spectrum meanwhile at home I'm frantically trying to get my garden all planted.  When it comes to gardening, I try really hard- A for effort.  Yet, I try to change it up and continue my 'WAR ON SLUGS".  If you see me with coffee grounds or eggshells, just get out of my way.  Luckily, I have 2 boys that are eager to catch them (and potentially pee on them, we have a fenced yard---I pick my battles). 

Back to the social group, and here goes Sensory Sunday---In my private practice I have a large basket of sensory and fidget toys specifically to help kids who need to be busy during counseling.  In my groups, that's the first ice breaker--is pick a sensory toy that is like you in some way.  I have a variety of things to choose from: sensory balls, silly putty, slinkies, ets.  I now have a new favorite and recommend this for teachers, counselors, parents, etc. It's a fidget toy from Flexiblox.  Kids are going crazy for them.  I've had a few kids tell me they use them at school to learn letters and numbers.  They are small, durable, colorful, affordable, and pretty quiet.  This is a must for anybody working with kids, or needing a toy to pack in your purse to keep your own kiddos happily occupied.

NOW I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: what is your best gardening tip?  What is your favorite toy/object to fiddle with? 

Love you friend

This post is in respect and remembrance of the lives, souls, and community impacted by the Oso mudslide.  We live about 30 minutes from the tragedy and have been hearing the stories of loss, shock, and also have found comfort in the heroes behind the scenes.  I have changed some minor details in the blog to respect and honor those affected--but the hero, oh he's as real as it gets.

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things on the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping"--Mister Rogers

We have a large group of friends that are hard-working, salt of the earth kind of guys.  They work hard, provide for their families, and try to do the right thing.  They pulled together to help a rescue mission when a family member was on the missing list.  These men are not fire fighters, not search and rescue. The hero in this story will go by GOOSE (only he knows why).  Goose was assisting in searching for survivors at the slide and came across a victim.  With doubt and fear in his mind he doubted being able to do the task of unearthing the victim.  This was a different person then he had been on the scene to look for--it was unforeseen and devastating.  He quickly realized he was in the presence of the departed's young adult son.  At that point, in a selfless and honorable attempt at offering closure--Goose used his bared hands to excavate the man from the mud and debris.  IT TOOK HIM 3 HOURS.  Goose being the modest, humble man that we adore---did not tell us this story until a week later.  Me, being the therapist at heart, let him know that it must have been difficult/heart wrenching.  His main concern was not about himself though, it was that he couldn't do more, help more.  His big heart was aching for the young man who had lost his father. Our hearts were touched by Goose, I don't think I could have done what he did.

So tonight as I tucked my kiddos into bed, I let them know that their Uncle Goose is a good man, a hero, a helper.  We love you Goose.  We love you for doing what you didn't have to do for no otheaa person you didn't know.  We are better for having you in our lives.  I wish I could offer comfort and relief from what you witnessed that day.  For all the people helping on all levels--THANK YOU, with the deepest appreciation possible. 

Who are your heroes?  What messages are your children receiving about being selfless? How do you try to help in your own special way? 

Beauty and Brain Smoothie

A few months back I went on a health kick in which I followed a vegetarian/clean eating only lifestyle.  This coming from a woman who once felt passionately about bacon needing to be its own food group.--was a stretch.  One of the worst arguments I've had with my hubs was when he tried to tell me how to cook #jimmydean sausage.  10 years later and my infamously ridiculous statement still hits a nerve : "don't tell me about pork, my family has been making sausage for over 500 years!!". 
I'm no longer strictly vegetarian but I have stuck to my daily regime of a healthy smoothie, and split it with my 11month old baby girl. Even at a very early age I think little babies can appreciate self-care.  This smoothie is fantastic for both health and beauty.   It Helps make your skin shiny, hair silky, nails grow just a bit stronger, and your digestion stays right on track.  Hence, the name, and honestly none of my boys like Avacado so it's "a girl thing" in our house.

 I get the whole juicing thug, but with smoothies I use the entire fruit/vegetable and it's delish!  The key here for health and taste is to incorporate one veggie, one fruit, and a health boost of grains or vinegar.  This one is my favorites right now, packed full of healthy omegas, fiber, and protein.  All vital elements to nutrition and brain development.  I blend it the night before, takes me 10 mins to prep and then the morning goes as smooth as silk. 

"Beauty and brain" smoothie ingredients(makes 2 7oz smoothies)
1 small avacado
1tablespoon chia seeds
2 cups spinach
1/3 cup any organic juice of choice (can use water in place of)
1/3 cup of yogurt (optional #yobaby is my favorite brand)
1tsp agave nectar (optional)
#beautysmoothie

Wednesday Night AKA Family Night

This is where the GUMBO part of this blog comes into play. One of the first things I do as part of treatment goals with families is to establish the importance of sitting down and eating together.  On various levels, eye contact, slowing down, talking, and the satisfaction that these people believe you make the best (FILL IN THE BLANK/FOOD) in the entire universe.  There is nothing more disturbing than being at a nice dinner out--and seeing entire families all glued to their phones while eating. 

Our family--like so many others---has had ups and downs.  Divorces can happen, relatives sometimes move out of driving distance, feelings can be hurt---but every Wednesday night we know where we will be: with FAMILY.  My sister and I have seen each other through some pretty tough stuff.  She is the closest relative to me in more ways than proximity.  Between the 2 of us we have 4 boys, 1 girl, and 4 dogs.  We take turns "hosting" at each of our homes every week. Trust me,  it's disorganized chaos that Martha Stewart would scoff at--but we pull it off.  We often have a diaper blowout, lost car keys, a hungry baby, barking dogs, etc.  But we also have: wine, laughter, a southern flare for food passed down from our grandparents, garden fresh veggies, a passion for the Seahawks, my brother in law's "salad tossing" jokes that never get old, planning for upcoming holidays, and the sweet sound of the kids announcing at the end of the night "Wednesdays are my favorite". 

So, you are probably wondering "why Wednesday?"  Well, I took a tip from my best friend growing up.  Her family still does family nights on Weds. religiously for the past 15 years.  Wednesday is the middle of the week, the toughest part ---but it gives our family something to look forward to.  In future I will post the meals we make, but tonight it was pizza.  And it was awesome.  What will your kids/family say about family meals when they get older?  What recipe will be passed down, a favorite (possibly inappropriate) apron of mom's?  What is your family about, what is important to you? 

Prepare to judge me.....I am an avid Bigfoot believer.

I promise that this post will eventually tie into family and therapy.  I have been obsessed with the idea that an ape-like, elusive, and incredibly intelligent mammal lives in the very woods that are near to my favorite camping spots.  This fascination of mine tends to lead to an "obsession" after I've been drinking whiskey in a social setting--has potentially helped me gain friends, and also come across as a bit odd.  Regardless, it's a way to talk to people, to laugh, have a healthy debate, and of course share my version of a squatch howl.  We even incorporated ol' Bigfoot into our elopement announcement.

Tacky? Possibility.  Thus, our close friends are always supplying me with Bigfoot memorabilia.  Including: key-chains, a Skookum brewery t-shirt, stickers, etc. When bored, I often look up how to join the local BFRO (Bigfoot Research Organization).  Unfortunately in order to join, I have to do 10 days in the deep woods on an expedition with other Bigfoot seekers.  NO BODY WILL DO THIS WITH ME.  Tiny itty detail I fail to mention to most: I don't tend to like camping past 3 nights, hate the cold, and for whatever reason the word "disembowelment" pops into my mind when I think about bears let alone a Squatchy.  Last week a dear friend gave me a stuffed Bigfoot--my first stuffed animal version.  I brought it home and my middle son had an instant connection.

We will refer to this kiddo as "little foot" in this post.  Little foot is my sweet, bright, cuddly, gentle giant of a 2 year old.  Little foot has a bit more of a struggle then his older brother and little sister in the sense that speech is especially difficult for him.  He has apraxia--in a nutshell this is a disorder where the mind has a hard time getting the body to respond correctly.  He knows what we say, and what he wants to say---but his body JUST WON'T DO IT.  Every week in speech therapy he works extremely hard.  Sometimes he can make new sounds, sometimes it just doesn't happen.  But Little foot has the heart of a lion and keeps at it.  Soooo, I bring my new Bigfoot home and Little foot has an instant attachment.  The next day on our way to see his amazing speech therapist he points to Bigfoot and looks at me questioningly.  "Sure buddy, you can bring him today".  That day in particular Little foot felt braver.  Maybe it was the countless episodes of Finding Bigfoot his mama watches, or the family discussions filled with laughter, I am not sure.  But, Littlefoot for the first time said "foot" proudly to his therapist.

 My love of Bigfoot grew much deeper that day.  The mystical and  arguably non-existent creature gave my Littlefoot a bit more courage this week to continue to open his mouth and continue to find his voice.  I encourage you all this week at your family dinner table: share your version of a bigfoot call. You will smile, and "hear" each other---even if doesn't make a lot of sense--you will feel the love.  Here's to my Littlefoot and his best buddy Bigfoot.

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Mama meets the blog world....LOOK OUT!

Hello there, and thanks for stopping by.  If you enjoy the no-holds-barred approach to family reality, then you might get a kick out of this.  I am a wife, mother of 3 (under the age of 5), a HUGE FAN of food in general, and by profession I am a therapist that specializes in working with kiddos and teens.  I love to find ways to help teens and kids express themselves and find their inner strength.  This does NOT mean I am an expert in parenting. Just this past week my 2 year old found and ate my lip-gloss in the backseat thanks to my less than stellar car-cleaning skills.  We are all human, we all can make mistakes, and we all need to have a good meal and laugh about it.  I do thoroughly enjoy all of my roles, and hope that you can take something from this page.  As a rule of thumb, I will not offer therapy dialogue through this blog.  I will, however, be having a lot of discussions around tips/products/routines that people of all backgrounds can put to good use: teachers, physicians, counselors, mamas, daddies, etc. 

  

So now, onto my first column:  Sensory Sundays.

This came about on one of my recent therapy kicks I got in to. Sensory toys are amazing for many reasons, including brain potential, creativity, etc.  But....let's be honest---THIS MAMA NEEDS TO GET LAUNDRY DONE without ankle huggers stalking my every move (including to the bathroom).  Wherever you go, 'THEY'LL FIND YOU"!  Ideally, handmade, cheap, and unique would also fit the bill.  I attempted making my own once before.  It ended up looking like a GI Joe defecated glittery hair gel all over me and my kitchen counter.  I had an agenda, and something to prove this go round.  For 3 hours all 3 of my kiddos were entertained.  Mix it up, seal it, then let the kids explore and relax.  My 3 basically used it like a small weighted blanket, in addition to "a power ranger invasion slime".  I  can only guess that is a good thing from a 4 year old.  I think it means I "nailed it".  For all three bags, I spent a total of 3.30 at the dollar store, and have leftover materials.

What you need:

heavy duty zip locks

duct tape

hair gel

food dye (optional)

baby oil (optional)

glitter (optional)

foam beads (optional)